Best article for those who are starting to lose themself over a wedding

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erin-johnson/advice-from-10-years-in-the-future----dont-want-the-wedding_b_9930892.html

This article speaks my words and I cant agree more... I shall stop stressing about the one single day of my life!

Road Block 2 : Family's 2 cents

From an Hong Kong Chinese background, there is no way you can ignore simple comments from your comments. To them, their advice is ONLY FOR YOUR GOOD and to help you, not to harm you. It is wiser to listen because the comments comes from years and years of experience which you do not have. Get the point right? But these simple little comments drives me up the wall. So what I have got so far:

- Phuket is a ghostly town (think about all the people thats died from the Tsunami and corpses are probably still in the ocean. Not very suited for a wedding
- Do we get covered on the accomodation and tickets?
- Are you sure the date you have set is the best date? How about so and so, are they able to come? (so and so is someone that I am not planning to invite)
- What? you are not inviting so and so?
- How about selecting a Chinese date that is suited to the birth time and place of both of you and ask the fortune teller?

You can ignore them but just gets on my nerves! ARGH!

Research overload!!

Every single girl gets carried away and thinks about stage 58 when stage 1 isnt even completed. But don’t worry, early research just helps planning anyway. So I started researching on items that’s not covered by the venue:

  Photographers – included in the package but I want a really good one
 Videographer
 Wedding gown/brides dresses
 Decoration ideas
 DIY ideas
  Make up and Hair
 Wedding bands

My main research came from:

Style me Pretty – for everything about weddings

The Knot – for everything about weddings

Something Turquoise – DIY ideas

Fearless Photographers – photographer and videographers

Pinterest for daily dosages of random wedding information

Google images – when you are searching for something specific and need the images of

Brides.com for dresses

Oh so beautiful Paper - Invitation ideas

Basically there is so much information out there, there is nothing you cant find! Theres loads and loads of different websites but I find the ones that I keep looking and looking back will be the ones above. Having said that, I'm still at the early stage so I will keep it updated if I find anything interesting. 

ROAD BLOCK 1 – Budget!

Remember to say “ do not wish for perfect wedding” a thousand times a day to remind yourself!

So once you have all the details, how to decide on the final venue…. 

For most people, the budget decides! I didn’t choose my favorite venue either but I am still very happy with mines! What I feel so far which I have learnt is that, at the beginning when everything was still green, you just hoped for any venue that responds… once you realise hey.. its easy! You hope for the most prettiest venues that is available and once you realise how many amazingly beautiful venues that’s available, you hope for the perfect wedding! Its an automatic road! But then the budget road block hits you and you have to decide whether you want the perfect wedding or you will go for what the budget allows

PLEASE DO NOT wish for the perfect wedding, this is just the start, theres such a long road of the most perfect everything. I had a really long rational thought process and realized hey I really do like the other venues too… If the best didn’t pop out, I will be already happy to be choosing anyone of them! Really, its just one day of your life so be rational.

My budget breaker was the accommodation – the accommodation was not included in my package and on top I have to work out where else the guests can stay because it will be too much for them. I also have to work out transportation a few times a day. Although everything else was reasonable, everytime I thought about arranging the accommodation and transportation, my head was stuck and I already panicked. There is no way I can arrange that and the wedding planner idea came back and more costs there! 

So a huge advice I want to give is consider the accommodation costs right at the beginning before getting carried away. A lot of the hotels don’t give you that information right at the beginning and it is easy to get lured into wrong direction and when you are given the accommodation cost bomb, it is so draining to think how can I rebudget or how can I shuffle costs around. I wasted 2 weeks and felt absolutely exhausted. Once I decided to drop my that venue, I felt a huge sigh of relief that I didn’t even realise how much stress I was in. 

First and foremost – Settling with a date and venue

Nothing needs to be done or better said, anything you do is nothing unless you have a date and venue. So I am now up to the stage where most information has been gathered, this is around 3 weeks of emailing back and forth asking for extra services and costs and getting all details of what the package provides and what if I want more questions. Knowing exactly what you are getting for the money you are paying and what you need to be paying for extra.

So with me, I am looking for indoor venue for the dinner reception, this has cut down my options by half so relatively easy for me to compare after that. 

My Phuket wedding planner encounter

So I sent 2 enquiries to 2 VERY FAMOUS Phuket wedding planning services (both run by westerners) and I do not wish to name any names, will let you know in private if you really do want to know. One ignored the enquiry completely and one responded initially very generously and I did actually feel like maybe I should get a wedding planner?

The one that responded initially sent a very nice email letting me know what she can do for me and wanted to know more about what I wanted etc. and is free for a chat. Time is golden so I did not want to waste her time so I let her know exactly what I am doing and that I consider planning a private villa wedding. She sent me a rough quotation and that quotation blew my budget 3 fold which was not the planner’s problem because I did email a private villa and its really THAT costly! So anyway not sure what happened but ended up on a call and I was letting her know I am emailing venues and told her some venues I am looking at and what I am doing and that the private villa option is out of my consideration and I need a venue with an INDOOR dinner reception.  She said she knows this general manager and that general manager and how she can hook me up with the high ranking staff giving me the best deals blah blah… I was still hooked at the time. She told me her service charge and she mentioned how her charges will be saved by all the deals she can make. Her charges are a one off fee, she does not collect any commission from vendors in between (I believe that and if she is working for me, of course I will need to pay for the service) so Yep I was still hooked at this moment…

Then…. Here comes the real truth…. I told her I am still considering to plan this wedding on my own… and she turns all bitchy and sour and says “ummm you are not telling me you think you can manage a wedding all by yourself without a local planner? Umm good luck with that!” Ok…. I was thinking…. That was a tad weird but still I was thinking “OMG, is the planning going to be that difficult? I probably do need a planner and if she can save money for me to cover her charges then why not?”

So lets see what she can do, she said she will hook me up with the general manager of some fancy hotel (which I am already in contact directly simple through their website contact) and that might show what she is able to do…. OK so she sent this really general email directing to the so called general manager (which on the title of email was not the general manager) asking him to send a proposal for my wedding (a side note, I actually had contacts of this so called general manager anyway) and in the end both did not respond.

YEP! That was that! But I am glad she helped me make a quick decision about wedding planners. Otherwise I was stilling shuffling up and down thinking of should I or should I not?

She could have simple responded saying sorry I cant help you this time but next time, you know just a polite reply but nope if you are not her client, then ignore!

To this day, talking to the in house planners has been fairly easy and smooth. Most know what you are talking about and respond quickly to your questions. They are open about giving you information and therefore so far I haven’t had a thought about “needing a wedding planner”, but lets see later… 

Wedding Planners - Should I or Should I not? The big puzzling question!

Most of you might still be wondering should I or should I not? Who likes stress if it can be solved with extra little bit of money? Even if its not a little bit of money, if it solves problems, WHY NOT? How to make the decision?

So to make a decision – I suggest to send your enquiry to the wedding planners and just have a feel whether you think they can do the work for you…

I did that and they made it clear for me to decide NO I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE MONEY ON A WEDDING PLANNER THAT IS RUDE! This is just my own personal experience, I am sure there are wonderful planners out there and I could be just unlucky

Before I go on, I reckon having a wedding planner is a must if you choose private villa venues especially because you need extra accommodation venues around the area for guests, hence you will need to work out logistics. These private villa venues will need a completely outsourced set up of the ceremony and dinner reception like meaning everything to do with the wedding will be outsourced, it will not be possible to arrange without any help (unless again you will quit your job and fly there yourself)

I was not going for the most spectacular wedding ever and convenience and ease of planning is my number 1 priority so I was definitely going for a resort/hotel venue and because most of them have in house planners so therefore it was not difficult to organize a wedding without one. 

Sending the FIRST INITIAL enquiry

What do I ask? This was quite a big question mark and so I wrote a list of questions and sent the same list to everyone… Most venues come back with just half the questions answered so I realized that the first stage, you really just need to ask the basic questions and if the venue suits, you ask the 2^nd set of questions.

Initial questions

1) Propose a few dates e.g 16-22 December and ask them for availability

2)  Let them know approx. how many guests you will be inviting, I will saying the more you say is better as its easier to adjust to a small group than adding more people to a small venue size. I needed a place to hold 100 people

3) Every single venue comes with a package deal, get them to send their package deal for you. This only covers the ceremony 

4) Dinner reception – please ask what venue is available for your number of guests and what are the set dinner options

5) Cocktail canape options - if this is a requirement for you

6) Drinks menu - what are the options available and what will be the corkage cost 

7) Accomodation – group rates and room options for guests

I actually underestimated how important the prices of accommodation was and in the end, but it is a huge deal breaker. I will explain later on this issue

Once you get replies back, you will start getting different information from each venue and you will know what to ask to fill in the gaps.

I made a price comparison table with all the different elements I can think of so I know how to compare amongst each venue. If anyone is interested, I can send out mines

Picking a destination

This was super easy for me, if you are lost, heres what lead me to picking mines
1) Pick a place you both like a LOT (for me I dislike bali, Malaysia and Singapore)
2) Pick a place convenient (this actually was the major decision maker) – remember you have a lot of guests that will be coming and to make it easier for you, pick a place where theres at least 2 flights to the city per day in case anything happens. Traveling time is also an issue! Asia was the immediate choice for me.
3) Pick a place where there is will be good English speaking staff
4) Pick a place where weddings are like eating rice for them
5) Pick a place where the timezone is the same as the country you live

DECISION MADE: Phuket!

DONTS!

You can get a bit carried away with picking the perfect destination, like my dream wedding destination will be in Europe but its just not possible, just remember DO NOT pick a place based on your dream location unless you are willing to go to the ends of this earth for your wedding (this could be quitting your job to organize a wedding or seeing a psychologist to relieve stress)

Don’t argue over your wedding – a wedding is an happy event, it is stupid to argue over it, just discuss and compromise. There is no perfect destination or wedding honestly… theres so many limitations and road bumps ahead. If you don’t get this straight right at the beginning, then be ready to lose a marriage over it which has happened to a few couples I know.

The first big milestone!

So back to how to plan a destination wedding… so HOWWWW????? Yes I went to google and I found this link : https://en.tripadvisor.com.hk/ShowTopic-g1-i12292-k4311164-Things_I_learned_planning_my_daughter_s_destination_wedding-Destination_Weddings.html

Theres loads of posts on tripadvisor but this one popped up and I happened to read this one. Few reasons why it was extremely helpful.
1) I thought the only way to plan a destination wedding was through a wedding planner, I had no idea I can actually book through the hotel directly and they have in house wedding planner. (this is because in Hong Kong the hotel is only for the venue, they do absolutely nothing else)
2) I had no idea there are wedding packages (this might be really dumb but seriously I had no idea, again in Hong Kong, everything is arranged separately on your own)
3) The post told me that there are places where destination weddings are so common that planning one is like “eating rice” (just means easy peasy)

COOL! I know what to do first! Pick a destination and go look for all the famous resorts and hotels which have experience in weddings! YAY!!!

The Journey begins ... but HOW?

HOW? Wow! This question was very new to me… and it never crossed my mind before so obviously I turn to my best friend google (now my 2nd best friend, pinterest has taken over slightly) and typed in “planning a destination wedding where to start?” I had the following questions:

- How do I plan a wedding overseas without needing to visit? Is that even possible?
- Do I need a wedding planner? - How do I look for all the wedding resources?
- How do I pick the dates that suits everyone?
- How many guests should I invite? - What is my budget?
- What type of wedding do I want?

If you have the same questions as me, don’t worry, these questions are a piece of cake and its actually non existent. It’s the easy part! You know at the start, when things seem not possible, expectations become really low and in your mind you are thinking, if I can find a venue, pick a date etc… I am happy, nothing else matters but as you go along and things get easier, the more you expect and the more you want and that’s when the problems start flying in like dresses, decoration, photographers etc etc… you become more picky and that’s why I am stressed basically.

The decision of a destination Wedding

From a Hong Kong Chinese background, weddings become a celebration for the parents rather than the couple itself and to make our parents proud, the wedding must be as glamourous as you can possibly have (which means throwing your entire life savings on it for some people) and invite people you don’t even know or relatives you don’t even like so that your parents can tell the world how well the family is doing. That is the exact reason I don’t want to get married, I just don’t see the point because if I am happy, a certificate wont add to it. I am not planning to have a child (please don’t ask me why and if I will change my mind because at the time being, the answer is no and it really drives me crazy when people ask) so I really don’t see the rush to get married.

Seeing my dad sick, Leo (my hubby to be) decided that we should get married and motivate him and plus we love each other so we should get married. Since my dad was not well, all I wanted was a quick ceremony and get the papers signed to make my dad happy. (Again, brief background about Chinese parents, if you are female and you don’t get married, you have brought the family a bad name and you are a very sad girl because no men wants you, the relatives are all laughing behind the family’s back and the relatives are all married and the son in law is a lawyer/doctor/pilot/billionaire etc, you know what I mean).

My dad passed away now and a ceremony was not organized in time as he wasn’t able to leave the hospital so Leo and I changed our plans from a simple ceremony at the registry to a proper wedding just with close friends and family. It all sound easy and I was excited! But how?